Friday, 20 April 2012

I'm still here, just obscured by 11,000 synonyms.

I know, I know; I’ve been completely rubbish at this whole blogging thing recently and I will be the first to admit it! I haven’t even Twitted (Tweeted? Is that the one?!) and let’s face it, if I can’t find time to say what I want in 140 characters, or less, then I must be pretty frikkin’ busy! In the meantime whilst I’ve been being busy, one of my best blogging buddies who goes under the alias of Bella and Robot, has not only managed to start a hugely successful fashion blog that has got her the attention that I could only dream of, she also got invited to an opening of a new underwear shop (as a result of her blog, obviously) and met Theo Paphetis of Dragon’s Den fame- you know the one, the one that’s not the tall one or the one that is supposed to be a woman.
Anyway, back to me. I have been really, really busy. I really have! (Enough gravitas there with the use of italics? I think so! You must believe me now.) And this isn’t the type of busy that involves my usual antics. Oh no! I’ve had to put going to Snobs and drinking myself to oblivion and terrorising people in wheelchairs (sounds far worse than it was!) on hold and started acting a little bit more like the grown up that I claim to be. Life has been pretty mundane, and that just doesn’t make for good blogging! That’s a cue for my more dedicated readers to take me out and get me drunk. No?

But now it’s time to get all serious, so take a deep breath, sit up straight and listen carefully. In these last three months, other than being really, really busy, I’ve been doing some writing of a different kind; I’ve been working on my Masters’ dissertation. Yes that’s right, someone who has participated in a game of nakedspin the bottle can actually do something that isn’t inherently depraved.

So in response to the burning question of where I have been these past few months, that’s your answer; I’ve been working on my Masters, in education nonetheless! I iz rite clever innit bled? I’ve been spending my time writing about qualitative and quantitative research, (and writing reams about it although I still don’t actually really understand what either of them is and how my research is indicative of either of them.) I’ve read 37 (yes 37!) different articles about motivating students, which is ironic as I had a proper rant the other day at one who told me he was just too tired to open his book or write the title and date. So much for the old saying you should practice what you preach. Obviously none of those preachers has come across an adolescent Brummie of the male variety, something similar to a primitive human if you can imagine, in which case the saying would have become any which way you can or something equally non-committal. I even have a favourite critic! I know! I should surely be out rediscovering my favourite bar, or sexual position, or something equally debauched, but no, I’ve been acquainting myself with the glitterati of educational literature and, more worryingly, actually liking it! In response to my recent Facebook status about a newly discovered article by said favourite critic, instead of getting the piss ripped out of me as should have quite rightly happened, the response I had was from a rather worried friend from my Masters course questioning if she was doing enough work as she didn’t have a ‘favourite critic’. What has happened to us all?

All of this has resulted in the production of 11,000 words of a very dubious quality, and some parts that are pure and simple fabrication, jazzed up by the thesaurus function of [shift][F7]. Honestly, use a synonym correctly and you can bamboozle anyone into accepting the belief that you’re actually quite astute. Nonetheless, in combination with a full time job, this has meant that the good old blog has become a bit neglected and that makes me a little bit sad, because I like to think of this as a form of literary karma where I can balance out all the boring clever stuff that I manage to write whilst demonstrating that I’m still my usual dysfunctional self.

Before I go I shall end on this little snapshot of my life, to remind all of you out there that I’m still the fool you know and love.

I was recently given an electric toothbrush (no, it’s not going in that direction before you ask! Rude, much?) and as I was preparing to put the loaded brush into my mouth, I ignored the first rule of electric toothbrushing: do not turn on until toothbrush is in your mouth. Before I could even register what had happened, the blob of tooth paste had rocketed from the head of buzzing brush into my right eye ball, where I don’t think the gentle-foaming-sensitive-whitening formula could really achieve its full potential.

So that proves that even under the guise of 11,000 synonyms, I’m still a bit of an idiot, I’m still me, and I’m still here.


  1. Ah how I miss your silly antics... I mean your excellent writing skills and laugh-out-loud comic tales :) Hope to see another one a little sooner this time!

  2. Silly antics will be the main course whence you arrive in May. I've been saving them up!